My response to Michael Jackson’s death surprised me. I didn’t expect the tears to well, but they actually did. For me, Michael Jackson was more than his music; he was a touchstone for my adolescence.
I remember getting off the school bus in May of 1983 thinking that 8th grade was almost over, and that I was ready for high school. My good friend and I had our 14th birthdays two days apart, and he surprised me with the best gift ever—my first album, Michael Jackson’s, Thriller.
I had just gotten my braces off, and there was a sense of change in the air. Childhood was slipping away, and I thought being grown would start by being a “pretty young thing.” But the following summer was awkward. I was 15 in 1984 and had spent my first year as a scholarship kid at boarding school. I couldn’t return to my hometown and all my friends because my dad’s job had transferred while I was away in the 9th grade. So that summer I showed up to a new town trying to make new friends, knowing that I’d just leave again by Labor Day.
And I was growing up in other ways also. Every guy who looked at me was vetoed by my tightly wound Dad, who had his first heart attack that summer. At first I thought that monitoring his fourth teenager had sent Dad over the edge, but he later admitted that he had chest pains while going to the store to buy a pack of Camel unfiltered (he didn’t feel well enough to drive, but needed a smoke so bad he walked all the way there).
Then in the midst of my Dad’s chaos, my former next-door neighbor called. She was having her graduation party, couldn’t I get on the Greyhound and come? Remember when we used to play Charlie’s Angels? I always made her be Kate Jackson, while our other friend and I would fight to be Farrah. But I was too overwhelmed by being 15, by understanding that my Dad was mortal, and by loneliness; to accept her invitation. I turned to another album this time, Prince’s Purple Rain, to get me through.
So, when I realized tonight, that by the end of my 40 year old suburban dinner with three kids that today was the 25th anniversary release of Purple Rain, and that both Farah Fawcette and Michael Jackson had died, I had to stop and reflect. Poet Donald Justice wrote that “men at forty, learn to close softly, the doors to rooms they will not be coming back to.” Another door has closed today. I take a moment to remember, and then, I move on.
I guess this is what it sounds like, “when doves cry.”
Saturday, June 27, 2009
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9 comments:
That was really nice. Made me feel for you. Have you thought about writing fiction?
Hi Dutchess - what a remarkable memory you have that I gave you Thriller!
I was sitting around having lunch in my office on Friday with some of my work collegues who were all around thrity. It was fascinating to hear their perspective on Michael Jackson because they really only knew of him during his bizarre years. All the retrospectives made me remember was a superstar he was during the mid-80's. All the girls had crushes on him. I choose to remember him during that era. Keep up the blogging! xo Chris
We are all mourning MJ. I was also surprised at my own reactions. Even when he struggled, he was still the King! We all have memories of MJ from the Off the Wall album all the way to his last the Number Ones. I believe for the first time in his life, MJ is finally at peace and for that alone, I can not shed any more tears.
Thank you MJ for sharing your talents.
Hi!
Great trip down memory lane. Keep writing, I look forward to reading your next post!
Lisa
Well cuz,
i remember michael from the Ed Sullivan Show and throughout his career. I cansee and hear Ed announcing to his audience "...and now we have a young man and his brothers in a really terrific group for the first time on nationaltelvision the Jackson Five..."
one of my really favorites is I'll Be There and of course ABC. The disco years were very vibrant. his creativity spanned so many musical periods and genres, That's why he will always be "..The King of Pop.
Favorite MJ memory? Rollerskating to 'Don't Stop Till You Get Enough' on field trips from summer camp!
For some reason I was never a big MJ fan. My cousin from Kansas City had a huge crush on him and a life size poster of him on her bedroom wall. However, I was too busy keeping up with Prince’s every move. I am sure that it had something to do with me being from Minnesota. My grandfather played in a band with Prince’s father at one time. Prince went to one of the elementary schools that I attended, which was pointed out to me very quickly by my fellow students. There was always someone claiming a Prince sighting.
As I watch MJ now I have a much greater appreciation for who he was and what his life represented. He represented, at least to me, the American Dream of being born in Gary Indiana Black, poor, with multiple siblings and transforming into an American idol. His talent was too big to be harnessed by prejudice and harsh circumstances. As I watch his dance moves and listen to his lyrics I am astounded by his pure grace and genius.
I can’t help feeling that America ate him alive. The father that drove him, the popularity that he feared to the point of isolating himself and developing extreme behaviors. I felt a little relieved for him when he passed. The hope is that in death he achieves what he was not able to in life which is peace of mind.
Currently watching MJ's Memorial-was deeply by the choir and Lionel Richie's beautiful song "Jesus is Love". This is a beautiful tribute to the King of Pop.
I watched MJ's memorial today not as a fan, but as a mother of two beauiful girls. I got the most out of listening to who Michael was as a person. Brooke Sheilds and Magic Johnson's thoughts were greatly expressed. Jennifer Hudson's rendition and Jermaine singing Smile moved me the most. I am glad they are showing all the video tapings of the children and I am glad Paris was able to speak. It really hit home that this was the death of a dad and the kids are mourning even more then the fans. I am hoping we see more of the kids and there isn't a huge custody battle. Must do right for those kids, who have lost their dad.
I watched the memorial with my 3 year old sitting on the couch with me. I kept reminding her to be quiet. It brought smiles to my face when I would look over at her and she was dancing back and forth to the music.
He is still touching people who didn't even know he existed.
RIP Michael and watch over your 3 beautiful kids, we all wish the best for them.
Sam
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