Thursday, June 18, 2009

BIRTHDAY PARTY CULTURE

When I was growing up in the ‘70s, birthday parties consisted of paper plates, Duncan Hines cakes and store brand ice cream. We pinned a tail on the donkey, and received coloring books for gifts. There were no themes and moms weren’t given six weeks’ notice to find “appropriate dress.”

My daughter was invited to her first birthday party when she was 3 ½. In October 2007, Avril came home with a save-the-date card for a December “pirate-themed” birthday party.

I was stunned. Then I realized that one reason the Mom wanted to save the date was because her son had the same birthday as my Avi.

I didn’t find a pirate costume for my kid to wear to the party her entire class was invited to, on the day she also turned 4. Instead, we had a family party in the kitchen that included Mom, Dad, her two brothers, and the Scooby Doo cake that she selected from Rainbow Food.

In the last two years, my daughter has been invited to every kind of party under the sun. My challenge is to plan something unique, and possibly educational, that won’t impact our credit score.

My girlfriend has warned me that if Avi asks for an American Girl Party at the Mall of America, create a natural disaster so that it doesn’t happen. American Girl could do more damage than Hurricane Katrina. A party for 8 is $450, and what 6 year old girl would be satisfied leaving without a gift?

I am sure that some well meaning relative would insist that she receive an $114 Addy Doll, so that she could learn about the courageous girl who escapes from slavery into freedom. Now that the President’s Black, no time like the present to teach her that the recession’s had no impact on our people.

It’s easy to see how parents get sucked in. “My Super Sweet 16” starts a decade early, and the only thing to ask for after ten years of $50 cup cake trees, is a new car.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I haven’t bought a cupcake tree (or three), but when birthday parties lead to the sense of entitlement I’m starting to see, it makes me wonder if we should return to duck, duck, goose in the living room.

I think I should start planning Avi’s winter party now—as soon as I get some save-the-date cards.
Posted by at 10:53 PM
Labels: , ,

6 comments:

  1. I really loved this blog! If you don't mind, I want to give a small personal story that may serve as an alternative to your piece. I got a Addy doll for Christmas when I was seven. It was then and remains now my absolute favorite present from childhood.

    Ridiculously expensive, yes. But I gained sooo much pride about being a black girl from reading Addy's stories. Her books really explain the necessary strength and survival that has come out of the African American experience in America. It discusses slavery and reconstruction in a way that a child can understand. I remember crying with my mother as she read the story of Addy's escape on the underground railroad and rejoicing at the fact that Addy was learning how to spell at the same time I was. Also, I think that the entire American Girl collection instills the beginning of feminist values for young girls with the company's own particular brand of "girl power" that encourages knowledge of history, respect of self, intelligence, creativity, bravery, and ingenuity. Over the years of my later childhood I became nearly obsessed with the American Girl brand, owning books from the stories of multiple dolls as well as a subscription to the magazine.

    It should be noted that for many years (until I was about nine) I wasn't allowed to play with my Addy doll without direct adult supervision due to how expensive she was. Many would argue that its silly to buy a small child a gift so lavash that they are unable to enjoy it fully for fear of breaking it. In a way, however, my family's policy only made Addy feel more valuable to me. She was a "special" toy- more treasured then my dozens of Barbies and the like. And as I got older, around 10 or 11 or so, I would save babysitting money to expand her collection (the doll comes with some ridiculous amount of clothing and accessories).

    Granted I absolutely see the problem with buying these off-the-wall expensive luxuries for children and starting them on a path of irresponsible consumerism. I think the widespread capitalist lifestyles lead by many Americans are destructive on SO many levels that it would take a whole separate blog to discuss them all. But at the same time, whenever I see a picture of the chocolate colored doll with a bonnet and pink dress, the biggest smile comes to my face.

    Anyway, I felt like sharing.
    ReplyDelete
  2. Sister ScholarJun 21, 2009 07:16 PM
    Carmen,

    Only you could make such a compassionate, provocative, persuasive argument. The fact that Addy's stories made you feel pride about being a Black girl has made me re-think my position. If her story could help you understand the underground railroad, and encourage you to read, it must be worthwhile.

    This winter my little girl will be six. By the time she's seven I'll probably break down and read her Addy's story. If she grows up as centered as you are, it's worth $114 for such a "special" chocolate colored doll.

    Much love,

    Duchess
    ReplyDelete
  3. Kids are pretty easy to please that's for sure but as they get older they'll start to compare themselves to their friends and other kids their age. The problem comes when your child isn't happy anymore with what you give her and wants to have the same thing as her peers.

    Your party doesn't have to be expensive, all you need is a resourceful mind and creative hands. Just like your neighbors and friends, they don't spend too much on parties, they just reinvent what they already have in their homes.

    A little imagination goes a long way. And yes, start saving now for her sweet 16.

    Best of luck.
    ReplyDelete
  4. My mother allowed me to play with black dolls exclusively and that had a huge impact on me. I remember one Christmas getting a doll from my grandmother in South Carolina which was white and my mom almost sent it back. I still remember my mother and father's heated discussion about the blond haired blue eyed doll.

    My niece did get an Addy doll. However, only after it was learned that an extended family member worked at the American Girl factory and could procure the doll at a more reasonable rate. Unfortunately that doll did not appear to abate her identity crisis in the least bit as a teenager in a majority white school.

    Ultimately, the purpose of the doll is to represent that little black girls are pretty and strong whether it is Addy or a Rag Doll. We don't need a commercial product to demonstrate that strength. An Addy doll is not a bad thing but a child will not be at a disadvantage without it. The most moving story I remember hearing as a child was that of Philis Wheatly (whether you agree with her or not).

    How about a birthday party with a theme Strong Women in History, it is never too early.
    ReplyDelete
  5. Loved this, especially as a mom-to-be.

    My niece, who just turned 15, lives in Cuba and is from a poor family. She sent us a list of what she wanted for her "quince," and I was amazed and more than a little appalled: an ipod, gold earrings, gold bracelet, three pairs of heels, three pairs of flats, 15 (!) outfits, and on and on.

    And I love the idea of a Strong Women in History party!!
    ReplyDelete
  6. My girls (planning 5th and 6th birthday parties) are really into their birthday parties, so we've had a hard time bringing to life their ideas without breaking the bank. A cost limit and a self-made spirit are indispensable for us.

    As a caucasian family with kids who don't play with dolls much, I don't have much to add on the benefits of Addy. I do, however, keep traditions from my mom's home country part of our lives. And I admit the thought of going to American Girl Place scares the daylights out of me. I haven't been there, but it seems like a good idea to get one doll and the associated stories and then make them save for or make the accessories themselves.

    9th birthday party will definitely be a Strong Women in History party! We've got 6, 7 and 8 already themed and sited.
    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)